Posted below is a quaint advertisement from 1959. The ad depicts several stewardesses pouring champagne and serving food to the Delta Airlines passengers. The ad is trying to convey the idea that the passenger is KING. That quaint idea was true during the fifties and sixties. IT IS NOT TRUE NOW.



I have two very important requirements when I make a plane reservation. I have to find the absolute CHEAPEST fare and if I am flying somewhere to obtain a celebrity autograph, I need to fly there and get back as soon as possible. I usually always fly on the weekend. I will fly out on a Saturday and usually return on the following Sunday morning. Those concessions usually allow me to receive the cheap fares.

I constantly check the different airline's websites and several other websites like Best Fares.com. Usually, I am able to find the best fare on the airline sites. On this occasion, I found an INCREDIBLE price on Best Fares.com. I ordered my tickets during July or August of 2001. The flight was to take off from the Milwaukee General Mitchell airport,  around the third week of September, 2001.  

I believe Delta was trying to teach upstart Midwest Airlines a lesson. I don't know that as a fact, It is just my opinion. Midwest Airlines started a new route from L.A. to Atlanta and they had an incredible fare on that route. Delta is based in Atlanta and did not like the encroachment into their business. In my opinion, they decided to offer an incredible fare from Milwaukee to L.A. to teach Midwest Airlines a lesson. You see, Midwest Airlines has it's hub in Milwaukee. In my opinion, Delta figured that since Midwest Airlines was coming after them on their home turf, then they were going after the upstart airline at their hub airport.

The main problem with Delta's idea, they didn't have a direct flight from Milwaukee to L.A.. A passenger had to fly from Milwaukee to Cincinnati, change planes and take a second flight to L.A. It is a little out of the way, as long as it is CHEAP - I DON'T CARE. The fare was $129, which included taxes, for a round trip from Milwaukee to L.A. How can you beat that? You can't. I grabbed the tickets in a millisecond.

The flight was perfect for me, I don't think anybody else would put up with the convoluted multiple flights that were needed to receive the cheap fare. There were two segments going and three coming back.

At the time, I was at an equal distance between Midway Airport (Chicago) and General Mitchell Field - Milwaukee. I always wanted to try the Milwaukee airport and to see if it was easier to use than O'Hare or Midway. I was given that chance by Delta Airlines.

The flight was to leave Milwaukee, on (i, think) September 22, going to Cincinnati. I was to change planes and fly to L.A. I would gather my celebrity autographs and catch a Red-Eye flight from L.A. to Dallas. I was to leave the DFW airport on the first morning flight leaving from Dallas going to Dayton, Ohio, on  (I, think) September 23, 2001. The next leg of my "Indiana Jones" route would put me in a little puddle-jumper airplane, going to Milwaukee from Dayton. That would end my incredibly tiring 30 hours of flying from the Midwest Cheese Capital - to the home of WKRP in Cincinnati - to LA LA LAND - to the home of the worst President this country as ever had - to the home of flight (Wright Brothers lived in and worked in Dayton, Ohio) - and finally, back to Cheese Head Country. Like I said, it fulfilled my two requirements: 1) CHEAP 2) GET ME HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Unfortunately, my plans were changed by events out of my control eleven days prior to my flight taking off. I think we all now what happened eleven days prior to September 22, 2001. Delta was scrambling to change things around, I do understand the incredible problems that they had. But, I have my own problems and I don't have tens of thousands of employees to solve my problems. Delta cancelled my flight from Milwaukee to Cincinnati and put me on a later flight. Unfortunately, it arrived a few hours after my connecting flight to L.A. would have taken off. I was lucky enough to catch that problem and I called the Delta 800 number.

I was willing to fly out of any airport that they wanted to send me to. I was willing to fly into any airport near L.A. I told the 800 operator that if the departing airport was changed, I had to return to the same airport. I couldn't leave from Milwaukee and return to O'Hare. That would be a very long walk to the General Mitchell parking lot.

The 800 operator was able to straighten things out. Instead of flying from Milwaukee, I was to fly out of and return to O'Hare. I wouldn't be able to fly out of Milwaukee - C**P. It would take another 8 years for another chance. By the way, I like flying out of Milwaukee. Very easy to get into and out of the airport. I would recommend it to everybody, as long as you don't use Delta.

I flew to Los Angeles and got my autographs. At 11:00 pm Pacific time, I tried to check my bags at the Delta counter but I had to wait for 1/2 hour. They couldn't accept the bags that early for my flight, which I think would take off at 1:30 am. OK, no problem. I returned 1/2 hour later and checked in. I wanted to get rid of my bags so that I could get some sleep prior to the flight, I have the hardest time sleeping on a plane. From 11:30 pm Pacific time Saturday night until I arrived at O'Hare, around 10:30 am Central time Sunday morning, I didn't see my bags. Now, that is an important FACT that the airline and their MORON gate attendant should have realized.

I will now tell you why I WILL NEVER FLY ON DELTA AIRLINES AGAIN - HOPEFULLY, NOBODY ELSE WILL, EITHER.

I arrived in Dallas on Sunday morning and I waited for a few hours until my flight to Dayton was ready. I was in the secure area of DFW and I didn't have to check in again. The flight to Dayton was uneventful. On my last flight leg, I was required to check in again, even tho I never left a secure area of any airport. Typical bureaucratic corporate Bull Poo Poo. More than likely, it was a corporate rule and not a governmental rule. The airlines like to IMPLY their unreasonable rules are required by the government, but in reality, they are the MORONIC IDEAS of some anal-retentive airline employee, who probably still lives in the basement of his parent's home. 

Those were the days when they still asked the SILLY questions "Have you had your luggage in your possession at all times?" and "Has anyone given you anything to place in your luggage?"  Now, when an airline employee has a computer monitor that is inches away from their face and can't tell that I am on the THIRD leg of a flight, well, that is very sad example of a public school graduate. I explained that I checked my luggage in with her employer at approximately 11:30 pm Pacific time the previous night. I told her that I have not seen the luggage and the bags have not been in my possession during that time. That did not fit into the possible answers that is published in the "Delta Airlines - Animatronic Employees handbook." After having a verbal tussle with "Dayton's one and only MORON", I went to the washroom to change my shirt and to clean up. The red flags were flapping.

My interpretation of the actions of "Dayton's one and only MORON" made me to believe that I was targeted to be watched. I know, I should be used to having people pigeonhole me into a "suspicious" category. I mean, I am a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, who has stored a years worth of calories in my belly. Seeing an old-fart fat guy, with distinguished gray hair, change his shirt and wash his face would make me suspicious, also.

No, I haven't turned into "Chicago's one and only MORON", that was sarcasm.  

The MORON called the flight and proceeded to take the boarding passes. When she took the boarding pass she would repeat her animatronic line -  "THANK YOU". When I gave her my boarding pass - NOTHING WAS SAID. She again stated her animatroinic line with the next person in line. After I heard her continuation of "THANK YOU" to the passengers, and after I passed her by, I gave a huge belly laugh. I then proceeded to express my opinion. I said in a moderate loud voice "What an idiot."

The plane was a little puddle-jumper plane that held about 40 people. It flew about 15 feet off the ground and traveled about 5 mph, well, maybe 15 mph. The plane was jammed packed with 4 seats per row. I was assigned (in my opinion, purposely) to a window seat in the second to last row. An even fatter guy than myself, was sitting in the aisle seat. I believe the guy sitting in the aisle seat in the last row was security. He was prepared to pounce on the suspicious guy (A.K.A - me) if anything happened. After we landed and after the door was opened and we were all in the aisle walking off the plane, the guy that I believed who was security was talking VERY LOUDLY on his cel phone. He was talking about the ground war that had just started and "purposely" increased the volume of his voice when he used the word "BOMBING", as in "bombing campaign". This was said on a plane that was filled with people that were still jittery from what had happened eleven days earlier. I ignored him because I knew he was a security person. The odd thing, nobody else turned around. VERY ODD!!!

I have never been on a little puddle-jumper. The plane is too small for a walkway to be used. The plane pulls up to the terminal and the passengers walk down the steps of the plane. The passengers then immediately walk up the steps going up to the terminal. In the middle of the two sets of stairs were several pieces of luggage. A few of the passengers got their luggage and walked up the terminal steps. I thought that the rules might be different on this type of a plane arrival. At the top of the terminal stairs was a no-nonsense security guy who truly believed he was a TOUGH-GUY. He demonstrated his supposed TOUGH-GUY attitude by being silent. With the luggage being picked up by some of the passengers, I proceeded to ask a question to nobody in particular. I asked, "Do we get our luggage here or at baggage claim?" The question was met with silence. I repeated the question with a louder voice and I stared at Mr TOUGH-GUY. Again, total silence. For a third time, I asked the same question, with an even louder voice, this time the "Mr. BOMBING" guy answered the question. I was to get the baggage at baggage claim.

As I was walking up the steps, I stopped and spoke to Mr. TOUGH-GUY. I summoned up all of my sarcastic skills and told him how much I appreciated all of his help.

That is why I WILL NEVER AGAIN FLY DELTA AIRLINES. 







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