I posted a blog piece , on Tuesday November 23, outlining my disgust at the TSA and their airport security methods. Using my sarcastic wit, I implied that I wanted more than the free "FIRST BASE" sex that I would be getting from the TSA agents when I went through airport security. I also expected to receive a big sloppy kiss. Well, I wasn't felt up, and I didn't receive a BIG SLOPPY KISS. I guess I wasn't cute enough.

I didn't get my fluid-exchanging kiss from the least favorite group of U.S. governmental employees (I bet the IRS loves the TSA - IRS agents aren't the worst anymore.) One thing is certain, I was conquered by a very powerful bug, and it didn't come from a TSA agent.

Today is the 7th day of my extremely rough case of the flu, and it is nowhere close to being over. Granted, it is far, far better than it was when I experienced the peak, which occurred on Tuesday.

In addition to cleansing my body from all of the flu bug effects, I also need to cleanse my body of the effects of idiotic and / or unusual TSA encounters. For your entertainment, I have a few minor stories about the TSA stormtroopers. One story from this past trip, and also two stories from 2 previous trips.

This past Thanksgiving, I had planned on bringing two Eli's cheesecakes to give to my relatives. I was surprised for a second year by a surprisingly friendly TSA agent (probably didn't get the memo on rudeness.) The x-ray guy knew exactly what was in my bag without even opening the bag. After the bag went through the x-ray, he asked me if I had two cheesecakes in my bag. I confirmed that is exactly what was in the bag, and he then proceeded to tell me Bon Appetit. At 5am in the morning, with only 3 hours of sleep, I wasn't willing to respond with more than a few mumbled words. Just the same, I think that is pretty good that he could differentiate between a cheesecake and an evil-doers version of a cheesecake.

The funny thing is, after the TSA guy made that statement, it took a few minutes for my sleep deprived brain to remember that the same thing happened 3 years prior. It was the same guy and he made a similar statement to me. You would of thought that he would have received the "rude memo" sometime within that 3 year period. Must be the fault of another government agency / government owned corporation - THE UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE. When the mailman delivers all of those rude memos - WATCH OUT.

Several years ago, I had a plastic hair brush in my luggage. That hairbrush created an image that supposedly created an uncomfortable feeling from the x-ray guy. In my opinion, this guy probably got D- grades in x-ray scanning. In my humble opinion - Mr. Cheesecake received A+ grades because of his ability to ascertain that a cheesecake was inside my baggage, and the information was gathered from an x-ray image.

The hairbrush was entirely made of plastic and was created with one piece that would slide into a second piece. The two combined pieces supposedly would create a stronger handle than if the brush was made with a single piece of plastic.

Shown below are three photos of the "EVIL" hairbrush, in different stages of assembly.






OH, BOY, THAT IS SCARY. WHAT AN EVIL LOOKING CONTRAPTION.

The TSA people probably felt that a guy with thinning hair didn't need a hairbrush -
YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET.


I unfortunately had another experience with a D- graded x-ray reader. I always remove everything from my pockets and put the items in my carry-on bag. Prior to the flight, I had been checking the tire air pressure on my vehicle's tires. Normally, I would have put the air gauge back in the vehicle. I was in a hurry and I put it in my pocket after checking the air pressure. When I got to the airport I took everything out of my pockets, which included the gauge, and placed everything in the carry-on. 

The x-ray image of the metal housing with a plastic center piece required further examination. Yeah, I agree with that part. The funny thing was, another TSA agent opens the bag to get the tire gauge and she had no idea what it was. Was that agent just transferred from another planet? I had to explain to her what the item was used for. She takes it over to the x-ray guy, and they have a conference with several others. After the meeting of "THE HIGH INTELLECT CLUB," the air gauge was returned.

Posted below is the image of the "evil" air gauge.








Remember, I didn't have a problem with the suspicious image of the air gauge on the x-ray screen. It does have the potential of being dangerous, as seen from an x-ray image. My problem was the bevy of TSA agents taking 30 seconds to determine that it was not dangerous, which was done after they had it in their hands. Do you think they might have been the founding fathers of THE HIGH INTELLECT CLUB?

ADDED TIDBIT FROM DECEMBER 22, 2010

A frozen chicken forced the evacuation of the Lafayette Regional Airport.  The baggage contained a frozen chicken that was stuffed with crawfish, and a headlamp (not known what type of headlamp - automobile, or something to do with the chicken) which meddled together on the x-ray image.

I guess the A+ cheesecake x-ray screener was not working at the Lafayette Regional Airport today. I'm sure he would have been able to differentiate between a chicken carcass and an irrelevant headlamp. I mean, a biological organism (the chicken) usually does not have an electrical item attached to it. I think we are dealing with a complete lack of LOGIC.







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