There are supposedly (according to rumors) two genes that are inherited by the female descendants of H.J. Heinz. The two genes will create a super-women. The first gene supposedly creates an expert connoisseur of finely created pickles. The second gene is usually hidden, it will only surface If the Heinz lady does not get an excellent pickle. If the unthinkable event happens, she will turn into the female version of the INCREDIBLE HULK. Her massive muscle power is released upon the unsuspecting purveyors of SOGGY PICKLES.

The only antidote is a HEINZ CRISPY PICKLE.

See for yourself.

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
The image of the little old Heinz lady, who is throwing people around a restaurant, might be upsetting to haters of violence.



RUMOR HAS IT, THERE IS A MARITAL REQUIREMENT FOR ALL OF THE NON-BLOOD RELATED FEMALE HEINZ WOMEN TO HAVE THE TWO GENES IMPLANTED INTO THEIR BODIES. IT IS DONE ON HER WEDDING DAY, WHICH IS DONE JUST PRIOR TO THE HONEYMOON. IT IS A METHOD TO PROTECT THE INTEGRITY, AND THE HIGH QUALITY OF THE HEINZ PICKLE, WHILE USING AN ARMY OF MUTANT HEINZ PICKLE LOVING WOMEN.

DESTROY THE ENEMY PICKLE IS SUPPOSEDLY THE HEINZ MOTTO.

THE RUMOR MILL CONTINUES WITH THE BELIEF THAT TERESA RECEIVED HER GENE IMPLANTS ON HER WEDDING DAY. SHE MARRIED HER FIRST HUSBAND, JOHN HEINZ, ON FEBRUARY 5, 1966.

WARNING TO JOHN KERRY (2ND HUSBAND): WHATEVER YOU DO - DON'T GIVE HER A SOGGY PICKLE. 







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